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I just joined Lavalife recently, which is a dating service for singles. (Couples, too, if you're inclined to that sort of thing.) I find it very useful, as my friends are mostly married, I'm not terribly likely to meet anyone through my line of work, and I had grown sick of dating waitresses. So I had filled out a profile of myself, and also put a profile up as a woman, so that I could read how other guys approach this process. Sounds strange, but I'm a very curious fellow. I'm curious as to what normal guys do when they talk to women, because as anyone that has ever met me can confirm, for better or worse, I'm not a normal guy. What struck me as odd was after reading 50 or so profiles each of both men and women, no one had made a single joke. Each profile was more like a resume, intended to land one a job interview. Apparently, meeting someone is a very serious business. Everyone had very serious profiles talking about their jobs, about what they like to do in their spare time, how they're "trying to quit" smoking, and what their favorite movies and books are... you know, useless stuff. The only important thing you learn about a person is their disposition. Turns out serious people tend to write serious profiles. Stressed-out people write stressed-out profiles. Shy people write nothing. I write a novel. I still haven't been able to figure out why it's supposed to be taken so seriously. I don't think I want to. I don't want to hang out with someone who's jaw is clenched so tight a blacksmith could use it to pound steel out on. Now personally, I think the whole dating thing is fun. Every person that I meet is an interesting story, regardless of whether I'm attracted to them. And meeting the people you get to meet along the way that "don't fit" can be just as much fun as hanging out with the people you do get along with. I met one girl off of Lavalife, and she could have been the poster child for "husband-hunter". You've met this girl before. You probably know one. She doesn't care so much about the "Who". Her main concern is "When?". In her mind, she replays questions from her family and friends over and over... "Why are you still single?" "When are we going to see some grandchildren?" and the classic "You're not getting any younger, you know." Her mind had gotten stuck in a loop, going from nasty thought to nasty thought, each one making her feel more inadequate and trapped than the last. She's convinced herself that she wouldn't have any of these horrible, nagging thoughts when she had gotten married. She wouldn't have to worry anymore. She'd have her family. Parents would be off her back. Her biological clock would stop ticking. It would be fantastic. This stuck me as a rather odd way of going about finding a husband. If a person isn't be happy on their own, then they're not going to be happy when there's another person's issues to worry about as well. If a person is miserable when they're single, they're not likely to attract happy, positive people. And if they can't attract a happy, positive person... it's going to be *really* difficult to find a happy, positive person to have a happy, positive marriage with. And if the marriage they get isn't a happy one... why would they want one? Perhaps it's a good way to get a bulk discount on Prozac. I've always thought it was a better approach to meet someone whom you really enjoy spending time with. Then you could consider taking things further. Imagining a family of three, a dog named Rover, and a white picket fence before the first date does not strike me as an effective strategy for relaxing and having fun. The date itself was rather like an interrogation. She'd ask uncomfortable questions for a first date, like:
I'd make a joke, she'd promptly ignore it and press on until she got the answer she wanted. Personally, I felt the dimly lit lounge we were in didn't properly set the mood for what was going on. A cramped cement underground room with a single lightbulb and a chair bolted to the floor would have been more appropriate. Apparently she didn't want to "waste her time" with someone that didn't fit her mould of "husband material". Once I realized this, I couldn't resist. I could sit here, answer akward questions, and have an akward time. Or I could get up, curse my bad luck, and leave, feeling like I had wasted my own time. I decided on a third option.
We can get flustered, frustrated, or even angry that we wasted our valuable time. In that case, we get to go and do it over again the next time, because it's obviously not the last time we're going to run into silliness. Feeling bad about things outside our control is the only *real* waste of time. Or we can do what we should do with silliness. Laugh. Laugh hard. Make it fun. Life is full of complete and total silliness. Ideal fodder for some of the best feelings we can have. How many things do you know of that feel better than a good laugh? We've all turned the house upside down looking for the car keys, when they were in our pocket or hand the whole time. We can get flustered and feel bad about it, or we can turn it into something funny, and have a good laugh about it. You remember what a good giggle feels like, don't you? Where it just kind of builds up inside you, because you thought of something silly you've done in your past. You don't really have a choice in it, it's like a sneeze. And it just builds up inside you until you just can't hold it in anymore. Pppzzzffffttt! Entire lives can be like that, and all it really depends on is your frame of mind. Know what I mean? | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
